It's Always Been this Way - Maia

[Marissa Peretti]

I know I've got a face in me
Points out all my mistakes to me
You've got a face on the inside too and
Your paranoia's probably worse
I don't know what set me off first
But I know what I can't stand
Everybody acts like the fact of the matter is
I can't add up to what you can


_________________________

Marissa startled awake by a faint shock to her shoulder; there standing over her was her chemistry teacher a not to pleased look on his face. She sat up and drew her knee up to her chest, she hadn’t been sleeping well. Nightmares of the past had been plaguing her; her teacher seemed to sense that and it was just then that Marissa had noticed the room was practically empty except for the usual stragglers packing books or gossiping at the door.

”Ms. Peretti is there anything you need to talk about?”

Of course, how could she forget their Chemistry teacher was also in the counselors reprogramming department. Marissa merely looked away, she heard him sigh before he walked away from the table. He knew when to push her and when not to and today was not the day, he’d have received more than just the little shock he’d given her if he had. She had chosen to wear a short pleated multicolored blue plaid skirt today with a white button up oxford and a soft blue tie. Her powder blue socks were in disarray one up one down and her shoes were scuffed.

She gasped feeling a hand on her thigh and looked up seeing one of her usual friends grinning and copping a feel. Before she realized it her eyes glowed blue and she’d shocked him half across the room. She stood up her fist balled up electricity crackling from her hand, the boy gasped but before she could do anything she felt calm wash over her. Her breathing eased and she lowered her fist slowly. She didn’t look around, there was only one empathy strong enough to sooth her when she went in to a rage and she didn’t want to look at her right now.

Turning quickly on her heels Marissa moved back over to her book bag, packing up her chemistry books she stood there quietly. She felt the people in the room dwindle and closed her eyes. Slowly she slipped to her knees and hugged her bag to her chest. She was tired, she didn’t want to remember what had happened in the past, she could still remember just a few weeks after then when she’d been so cold and hateful to everyone how she’d met Maia. Being picked on, she’d thought she was pathetic but she’d still gone and protected her.

She’d taken Maia under her wing and suddenly Maia was cool because everyone thought the Princess was cool. Soon Marissa found that she could smile again and she treated Maia like the sister she missed in Italy. It hadn’t been long before she’d felt herself inseparable from the quiet empathy; her pain was Marissa’s pain and so on. Marissa hugged her bag tight, she really wasn’t wrong; she didn’t think she was. Chase and her had always done things like this, it wasn’t anything new but it wasn’t something everyone knew either.

Marissa wanted to apologize but her personality, her Peretti pride wouldn’t allow her. She was being groomed to be a mob boss, and mob bosses didn’t apologize they were always right. She knew she should just quietly explain the situation to Maia but she hadn’t properly explained it to herself yet. Marissa hit her head lightly against the cupboard under the chem. Lab desk. She was in a serious bind and there was nothing she could do to get out of it, nothing she could see.

[Maia Celise]

"Maia." the teacher said as the bell rang signaling the end of the day and the class erupted around her as her classmates packed up and left the class. "You missed your slot for clean up when you were in treatmentso its your turn today. I've left the key for the lab on the desk, lock up when you're done and leave it at the office."

Mai looked up from her own packing as the professor spoke. "Yes, sir." she replied.

The young empath had really been looking forward to leaving the lab and heading back to her dorm. Chemistry was her second favorite class, her first being Biology. She usually loved the lab time but today she had been dreading the two - hour session knowing that Rissa would be there. Luckily for Mai, she didn't have to endure Rissa's hostile emotions for long. Ten minutes into the class the girl was dead to the world in a heavy sleep.

"Ms. Peretti is there anything you need to talk about?"

Mai looked up from washing out burettes at the sound of Marissa's name. She had thought that the loud bell would have woken the girl up and that she would have been one of the first out the door, rejoicing at the end of another school day. Ris never dawdled in class unnecessarily. Mai wondered vaguely if anything was up as she watched Ris turn away from the teacher and then watched as Professor Walker sighed and left the lab. After all Mai wasn't a heartless bitch and old instincts die hard but she quickly suppressed the feeling and turned back to her job. There were a couple other stragglers left in the lab and Mai wished that they would all just hurry up and be on their way. She wanted to be alone.

Lust. That sudden change in the emotional atmosphere caught Mai's attention. She looked up to see who it was coming from and saw a boy sidling over to Ris. It was one of Ris' "friends". She could never understand how Ris could do the whole casual sex and friends with benefits thing. Perhaps it was because she was an empath and emotions were such a big part of her life for Mai sure as hell never would have been able to do what Ris does.

Almost as soon as she looked away from the pair, Mai felt Ris' anger spike, overruling her initial suprise, and almost instantaneously their was a yell from the boy as Ris shocked him and sent him halfway across the room. The few children that had been straggling now grabbed their things and rushed out of the room. Everyone knew Ris' temper but noone knew it better than Mai. She saw the sparks of blue from Marissa's hand as she charged up and approached the boy on the floor.

'Damn it.' Mai thought, her conscience wouldn't allow her to let Ris kill the boy, blind with rage, and get herself into trouble.

Ris was already standing over the boy, ready to strike so Mai quickly focused on her blocking out the girl's anger and projecting calm to her to overrule her anger. She was basically rearranging the girl's emotions like most people would arrange pieces on a chess board. She saw Ris halt and then turn away, the electricity disappearing from her hand. As soon as the boy had scrambled up from the floor and out the door, Mai made sure that Ris' anger was at bay and then released her hold on the girl's emotions. It was just the two of them now.

A short pause passed as she watched Ris begin to put her things together. She knew that Ris would now know that she was there, if she hadn't noticed before. A few more seconds passed and then, shaking her head, Mai wordlessly turned back to the sink and flicked back on the tap, moving on to the conical flasks as she put the finished burettes to dry.

[Marissa Peretti]

Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness,
Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?
Because I can't hold on when I'm stretched so thin
I make the right moves but I'm lost within
I put on my daily facade but then
I just end up getting hurt again
By myself

_________________________

Sparky kept her eyes closed and hit her head against the counter once more before getting up. Her hands gripped the top of the counter and for the third time that week she blew out the electrical sockets on all the desks. Her disoriented feelings were the cause of her lapse of control recently; she’d been avoiding Chase ever since their little tete a tete at club chaos. For good reason to; she had no idea how she was supposed to feel anymore. Her pale blue eyes stared out at the chemistry board, some mumbo jumbo about Ion’s and covalent bonding was on the board, she hadn’t been paying attention but she had a feeling that these notes were going to be on another random test their professor liked to give them.

”Whatever I’ll just get the notes from…”

Sparky sunk on to her lab stool her blue eyes glazing over somewhat. No…she couldn’t get the notes from Maia, how could she when Maia hated her now? Electricity sparked around her as her emotions frayed once more, what was she supposed to do? She couldn’t even look at Maia without cringing. She felt cheated, it wasn’t fair after all, she’d loved…wait…she’d what? Marissa rammed her hand hard against the tale and blew out the lights, she gasped and whimpered suddenly staring at the place her hand landed as blood started seeping under her closed fist.

Quietly lifting her hand she stared at the jagged slice and the piece of glass jutting from her flesh. She stared a tit quietly and without really thinking about it she walked over to Maia. Taking a flash from her hand she jerked Maia’s hand up and pressed it to the bottle. Spiky blonde hair fell in to a bemused saddened face; with grueling concentration she filled the glass with electricity, trapping it with a rubber cork. She knew Maia had one such bottle of lightening in her room from their first month together. Sparky had done it to make Maia feel better after she’d been bullied, it had cost her two days of consciousness that kind of sudden concentration hadn’t been good for her body and she’d passed out.

She smiled at Maia gently, no matter what happened Marissa wasn’t about to change, she still considered Maia her best friend and her sister. If Maia wanted to give up on her, give up on them then that was her choice. Marissa wouldn’t hold her back. Without a word Marissa walked over to her bag and shouldered it, she used the sleeve of her shirt to wipe up the blood and started walking out of class.

[Maia Celise]

Everytime the girl hit her head Mai winced. She was the only one left in the room and Mai was unconsciously focusing her empathy on her.

'What is going on with her?' she thought.

Mai could feel her anguish and turbulent emotions but she couldn't for the life of her figure out what was behind them. There was something more than just what was going on between them. Despite everything, Mai still cared about Ris, she couldn't shut down her emotions just like that. She longed to know what was going on but the stab of pain she felt everytime she looked at Ris and pictured her and Chase together was too much.

'Oh no!' she thought in her head.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

The small explosions caused Maia to drop the pipette she was holding and spin around. Small puffs of smoke were coming from the row of electrical outlets on the desks in the room as well as the few on the walls. The explosion wasn't all together unexpected on Mai's part, she had felt when Ris' control slipped but it had still jumped her.

She watched Ris for few more minutes feeling her sorrow and confusion as she sank down into a chair. Mai's heart wrenched for her and she was just considering blocking out her pain for her when she saw the electricity begin to flare from Ris' body as she began to lose control once again.

'Damn it.' she thought as the fluorescent lights in the roomed blew and shattered.

She automatically raised her hands over her head to protect herself from the glass shards of the shattered lights that were now flying projectiles. Mai felt a searing pain cut across her arm and almost cried out. When she heard the last of the glass shatter to the ground she slowly lowered her hands. She examined her hand for the wound she had felt but found nothing but minor scratches along her arms; it was a minute before she realized that it must have been Ris' pain that she had felt. She looked around the mess in the room and sighed. More work for her. If not for her empathy Mai would have thought that Ris' was doing all this on purpose.

Mai focused on Ris once more deadening the pain she was feeling so that she could keep her control of her powers. She didn't know what was going on but she knew that if Ris continued like this she would end up seriously hurting herself or someone else. Once that was done she turned back to the sink and slowly cleared away the glass that had fallen there. She picked up one of the glass bottles that had been knocked into the sink and was just about to wash it out when Ris grasped her arm.

Mai gasped in surprise, she wasn't paying attention and hadn't heard Ris walk up to her. She stared at the girl as she jerked her hand out of the sink and placed her own over it. At first Mai didn't understand what she was doing but when she saw the flare of electricity, she got it. Without a word, she watched as Ris silently put on the bottle's stopper and then gave her a small smile before walking away.

Mai stared at the bottle as the electrcity flared around in it, looking for an escape. Her mind automatically went to the other bottle of ebectrcity that sat on her desk in her room. She remembered the day that Ris had given it to her as a gift to make her feel better soon after she had first arrived at the school even though it had cost Ris dearly. To most it was just a pretty gift to sit on a shelf or a desk but to Mai it had been as if Ris had given her a part of herself to keep always. Mai remembered how much she had appreciated the gift and how she had treasured it. Ris had been the first friend she had made at the school.

Mai looked up and saw that Ris was about to exit the lab.

"Wait." she said softly, the walls of the room causing her voice to echo slightly.

[Marissa Peretti]

I see pain
I see need
I see lies and thieves
Abused power with greed
I had hope
I believed
But I'm beginning to think that I've been deceived
You will pay for what you've done

_________________________

Marissa stood still in the doorway; her blue eyes stared out at the empty hall before her waiting to whisk her off to the dorms. There were a few stragglers here and there and for a moment she considered just walking out of the lab, their friendship was probably over, she could feel the finality in the air. They’d had a good run but Maia wanted Chase and Marissa’s pride was a heady thing, it wasn’t to be shoved aside. It wouldn’t let her sit back and watch Maia run off with Chase. She rubbed at her face and suddenly realized she was crying, she seemed to be doing a lot of that lately.

She hated herself for it; she hated herself for many reasons. Her hand squeezed at the door frame and she felt her slender hand trembling from the force she was exerting. Shockingly enough no more sockets blew on that wall nor above her in the hallway lights. Finally with a breath she stepped back in to the room and closed the door. She knew this conversation was coming, she’d managed to avoid it at the tavern but now…now she couldn’t. Turning to Maia she forced a small smile, she’d made sure that her face wasn’t covered in tears when she turned back.

”Yes Maia?”

She managed to maintain the forced smile; trying her best not to show it on the outside how turbulent and fearful she was inside. It occurred to her that it was probably pointless; Maia would feel her emotions anyway. She walked back in to the lab and set her bag down before hopping on to the desk and relaxing there. She picked up a scalpel and started playing with it, her hand was covered in gummy blood, dried to a brick red crust on her pale flesh; she’d go bug one of her mender friends to heal her later, maybe even an empathy to steal away her emotions so she wouldn’t have to feel this betrayal any more.

[Maia Celise]

Maia stood there and watched as Ris paused after she called out. She didn't know what she wanted to say, she didn't even know what was there left to say but she knew that she just wanted Ris to turn around and look at her. Its amazing how bonds that are formed can go from being so strong to so fragile in an instant. How one choice, one action could erase everything else. Maia both saw and felt it happen daily.

"Please." she whispered.

She could feel Ris' doubt, her hesitancy and sadness. She could tell that the urge to just walk through the door and not look back was strong and for all she knew maybe it was the better choice. Even so, Mai wanted her to stay. She could easily have used all her other powers to negate those emotions to get what she wanted but she knew that wouldn't be right. God's greatest gift was considered to be free will for a reason.

Mai stood there and waited, hoped. When Ris finally turned around she felt the tears begin to well in her eyes as she stared into Ris' electric blue ones. She hesitated and then followed Ris' lead and walk towards Ris as well, stopping and standing on the other side of the desk that Ris was sitting on. Mai knew it was dangerous for her to be so close when her emotions were turbulent like this but she really didn't care.

"We're supposed to be best friends." Mai whispered after a pause, "You were the first friend I made here." She paused again, "We tell each other everything. Why didn't you tell me that.....I thought....I mean...didn't you know it would hurt? Were you trying to get back at me for something? Did I do something wrong?"

[Marissa Peretti]

Don't come looking for me
'Cause I'll be right here with the words you said
Looking for the words to say,
You know what you did, you know
And how can anybody,
Forget the promise that you made
'Cause this is how the promise breaks
I always knew that you'd fall through,
And now, you're proof.
_________________________

Sparky stared at Maia quietly for a moment.

”Didn’t you know it would hurt?”

She stepped off the desk and took a deep breath turning her fists crashing down on the desk. Tears built in her eyes; she hadn’t been this angry in a while. She’d always been filled with a bottomless pit of anger, always so quick to become enraged and always so quick to take it out on the nearest person. She stared at Maia and knew that she could feel how utterly baffled and angry she was now. All other emotions paled in comparison to the sudden rage.

”Hurt? Let me tell you a little something about pain Maia.”

[/b]

Marissa pressed her hands down tighter against the table. She was trembling with anger; all she could think about was launching over this table and beating some sense into her friend…her best friend…like a sister to her. She was right! They told each other everything, so why was she acting like she didn’t know what she’d done!?

”Pain is walking in on the man you love fucking another woman. Pain is being bitter for months and thinking you could hurt him back by becoming the piece of ass every man in the school wants. Pain is making that boyfriend in to your fuck buddy and hurting yourself every time that boyfriend thrusts in to you. PAIN MAIA is FUCKING a razorblade that’s dug deep in to your heart. This little hurt your feeling right now is nothing compared to finding out your best friend is falling in love with the man you’ve been in love with for all this time.”

Marissa slid to her knees and started hyperventilating. She’d lost control of herself for a moment and was struggling to breath. She released a weak cry and covered her face. What was she doing? What had she just admitted? She’d admitted to being masochistic and vindictive, to hurting herself all this time just to stay close to Chase. What would Maia say now that she’d seen that Marissa wasn’t as strong as she let on to be? Would Maia abandon her now? Leave her to suffer because of what she’d said? No…Maia wasn’t that cruel…but love was a wicked thing; who knew what would happen now?
[/blockquote][/blockquote][/size][/color]

[Maia Celise]

Instinctively she stepped back when she began to yell. Not because of Ris' lack of control of her power in the state sh was in but because the intensity of her emotions had reached new heights.

She listened to Ris as she spoke her sadness at her friend's pain increasing with each word. Yes, Maia was an empath but though she could feel the emotions of others but she wasn't a telepath and didn't know the reasons behind them. Why has Ris never told her this before.

Mai hesitated for just a fraction of a second and then walked up to her friend, kneeling beside her and wrapping her arms around her. She couldn't bear to see Ris like this and she realised that her emotions were too unstable for her to just negate as she had before so instead Mai took them onto herself.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Mai asked, her own tears forming in her eyes, "A whole year we've been best friends and you don't think that I would have understood? I knew you were in pain and angry almost all the time but you would never tell me the truth about why. Ris why couldn't you just tell me why you were feeling the way you were? If I had known I wouldn't have....." She paused, "You made it seem like if Chase was just a part of your past."

'God, how did this become such a mess ?' she thought to herself.

"What do you want me to do?" she asked, "I don't want this to drive us apart but I can't help how I feel anymore than you can."

[Marissa Peretti]

Good morning day
Sorry I’m not there
But all my favourite friends
Vanished in the air
It’s hard to fly when you can’t even run
Once I had the world, but now I’ve got no one
_________________________

Presumptuous.

Maia was so presumptuous. Annoyance threaded its way through the anger and the pain, blinding her momentarily until she thought she’d lose control over her powers once again. But she managed to keep herself in check. She closed her eyes slowly and counted to ten forwards then backwards wondering just how long she could keep this ruse up. She gently put her arms around Maia and stroked her back slowly in small circles. Even now amidst a fog of tears Maia’s feelings were still more important to her.

”It’s ok Maia…it doesn’t matter. Even if I love him it doesn’t matter he’d still run off and leave me in pain to go comfort you. I’m not the one he wants anymore. I just hope he doesn’t hurt you too.”

[/b]

She felt cold inside, all her emotions were shutting down behind a placid smile and dull blue eyes that weren’t nearly as bright as they usually were with glittering electricity. She continued to pat Maia and smile as she became calm inside. She had promised herself inside that she’d back down. She wouldn’t get in the way of Maia’s happiness, after all if anyone deserved to be with Chase it was Maia, not Marissa. Sparky leaned back and chucked Maia on the chin her usual wicked grin firmly in place.

”Have at him girly…you can do it.”

She’d continued to hide how she felt she didn’t mind. She’d see to Maia’s happiness then figure out what she’d do from there. She already knew the awful truth inside of her. She was madly head over heels in love with Chase and there was nothing she could do about it. There was no one she could pray too who’d stop it, no one who’d take the pain out of her chest so it was pointless to try and pursue someone that wasn’t interested.

Come to think about it, she didn’t even have to stay here and bear witness to her bestfriend and the man she loved betrayal. She could just go home…thinking of Italy made her eyes water and her chest tighten for another reason. She missed her home and her family. Though going home would probably mean meeting up with her maybe husband she didn’t care. If he could distract her from Chase she’d marry him in a heartbeat. For the familia after all.

She sat still then smiled once more at Maia and got up helping Maia up too. She dusted her skirt off quietly and grabbed her bag gently. There was nothing else for her to stay here for. She’d given up, she’d let Maia use her to have Chase and then she’d go home. The idea was firmly stuck in her head…she’d runaway and no one would ever know.
[/blockquote][/blockquote][/size][/color]

[Maia Celise]

Mai let Ris help her up from off the floor and wiped her eyes. She stared at her friend as she once again gathered her things and prepared to leave. She heard everything Ris said but Mai wasn't buying it. She knew the girl too well. Ris never gave up on anything that she wanted. It was one of the things she admired most about her friend. Her willingness and drive to fight for what she wanted until she either won, lost interest or realized it was a lost cause.

"Ris," she said facing Ris' turned back, "I've known you for over a year now and I'm both your best friend and a pretty powerful empath. You're saying all this but its not what you truly want, is it?"

Mai really did care for Chase but he had not only shown to the capacity to but also really had hurt her deeply and Ris was her best friend. Even though she knew that she would let go of her anger and forgive him eventually, especially cause she could tell how sincere he really was. Mai didn't want to lose her best friend over a boy; over a relationship that may or may not work out.

[Marissa Peretti]

You just gon' keep hatin' me
and we just gon' be enemies
i know you cant believe
i could just leave it wrong
and you cant make it right
im gon' take off tonight
into the night...

_________________________

”Sometimes sacrifices need to be made for the greater good Maia.”

Ris stood in the door way her hand on the door frame. She was leaving and that was that; she party tonight and get so drunk she’d forget all her troubles then pass out and when she would wake she’d be on a plane on the way to Italy. All she had to do was tell her bodyguard what she wanted and he’d get it done. She missed her family, she’d go home and she’d get married probably and maybe come back or not. She had enough control of her powers not to accidentally shock anyone while sober, that was pretty much all her Father really wanted her to learn anyway.

She smiled thinking of her brothers grinning face, of how he’d slap her ass which was his way of slipping her more goodies without their Father knowing. She’d go home and drink with the guys then fall asleep in a pile of drunken bodies. She’d wake up laughing and grab her motorbike from the garage and hit the streets of Sicily visiting her friends and going to meet her husband. She closed her eyes, Maia and Chase would get together and they’d be happy. She’d come back to visit maybe in a couple of months she’d come back and maybe Maia wouldn’t be a virgin anymore, she chuckled at the thought.

”You’ll be fine without me Maia, you’ll have Chase.”

Marissa glanced over her shoulder and forced a smile. There was nothing else to say, she stared at Maia for a space of heartbeats then without another word she grabbed up her backpack and fled the Chemistry lab.